Dear T,

Who knew just how hard this whole experience would be? I mean, it's been excruciating and I feel like I'm barely scratching the surface. I don't know how I feel about it or you right now....I'm embarrassed for being so ****ed up. For being so needy and trying to cover it up and yet I know in my heart you see through all of this - which leads it to a whole new level of embarrassment! It's incredibly dysfunctional.

I still do appreciate you *very* much despite the part of me who is convinced you aren't really on my side. I don't know where I'd be right now.....I hope you won't leave yet. I hope you at some level care about me more than just as a job you have to do (a job you might even hate). Like as a person.........