Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as revenge.

Forgiveness is different from condoning (failing to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness), excusing (not holding the offender as responsible for the action), pardoning (granted by a representative of society, such as a judge), forgetting (removing awareness of the offence from consciousness), and reconciliation (restoration of a relationship).

In certain contexts, forgiveness is a legal term for absolving or giving up all claims on account of debt, loan, obligation or other claims.

Well that's according to Wiki anyway.

For me, its not really complicated at all, but like I said, its in my nature so its kind of inevitable that I forgive.

The simple part: I see it as a tool to move forward in life.

I by no means condone the behaviour of my abusers, nor do I want to befriend them, but I have moved passed the stage where the pain they caused rests heavily on my shoulders. I'd like to think that this means they are atleast semi-forgiven. I'd like to believe that this means I've taken important strides forward, toward healing.

I'm not the grudge holding type, but when I actively tried to hold onto a grudge in the past, I was the most miserable, hopeless, heavy hearted I've ever been. And that says alot when you take into context that I'm not even referring to my brother's murder here...

Forgiveness is a weight off my shoulders, most people who've wronged me don't even know whether they are forgiven or not. It's got nothing to do with them, its about giving myself the permission to heal and progress. Something I cannot do when I'm holding onto the past with every bit of pain and anger I can mustre.

Why oh why am I rambling on this dear poster's thread?

I'm trying to say that for me, forgiveness proved more beneficial than actively holding on to every ounce of pain dished out to me. I'm honestly not sure how we get to the point of forgiveness, but what I do know is that it is a process, and I suspect it has much to do with the willingness to heal and move forward outweighing the need to hold on to the pain.