Quote:
Originally Posted by Amelia112
Hi lovely sweepy :-)
I think with you as well - the desire NOT to call in every situation you feel you want to, is GOOD! It means you have a healthy, independent side in you - And I know you have!!
But of course, if a little dependence is what you need to learn, what might be beneficial for you, then your T encouraging you to call is a good thing.
But these are two different things:
Calling/emailing because there is an urge - is fine but not always good. And it can leave you feeling anxious about how the T reacts and that can cause huge anxiety and it causes, as many of us know a certain dependency that is not always good for us.. What dependency is good that leaves us anxious and afraid and on edge?
Calling/emailing because there is a crisis or because there is something good happening - is healthy and encourages the right kind of dependence that can be helpful and healing.
Forcing us to sometimes reconsider our impulses, forces us to rely on ourselves and our own strength a little more and that, in my opinion is ALWAYS positive and commendable.
But that said, I have emailed and called on impulse and I am not ashamed of it. It is to realize what it really means for us that helps us discover how much of it is good and helpful and how much of it is a result of our past and what we have been told.
Learning about our impulses is a HUGE part of learning healthy dependence and independence.
But again, just my opinion and others may disagree..
Love you sweepy :-)
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I agree with a lot of your points, Amelia. Yes, it is important to be able to feel it's okay to be dependent or connected to someone-especially if we are isolated or without support outside of therapy. Also, if we are having trust issues it is helpful to have a safe and supportive connection with the therapist to help rebuild that trust. But, just as important as trust in others is a trust in ourselves, trust in our instincts. In another thread you wrote, Mactastic, about the feelings you have for your therapist. I wrote specifically that unless the feelings were causing you angst they could be seen as understandable under the circumstances. I haven't checked today but I didn't see a reply to that so I assumed that you were basically okay with your feelings. But this thread indicates that you are feeling some angst about the relationship to the point that you felt it's important to try to distance yourself, that you feel too dependent or too attached. Maybe you are trusting you inner instincts that
might be telling you to be dependent on yourself too-which is okay as well. My take on your thread is that you were feeling concern to begin with-why you decided to limit in-between session contact as a test for yourself. I know-it is not easy to do what you're doing. I know what it's like to feel what you're feeling.
Every person is different, every situation is different. It's okay to feel dependent on someone-absolutely-but it's also okay to rely on ourselves too. Both choices can be scary and can cause anxiety. Wishing you well.