I had PDNOS, not DPD, and I more or less learned to “depend” on my own self and my understanding of “social rules” to stay out of trouble. The deep feeling that I didn’t count to the other women (mother, grandmother, aunts) in my family took a long time to uncover in therapy. And yes, it really does hurt, just as when I was a little girl.

Even though our caregivers did the best they could, we still got hurt. Where do we go to get a message that we can give ourselves that we do count? I’ve looked outside myself for that for a long time, couldn’t find it within myself until recently. Very, very hard. Don’t know why life has to be so hard. It is, though.

For what it’s worth, even though I’m not so sure that I count, I know that you do. Even the sociopaths and others, whom we may need to avoid for our own safety, count in my opinion. Why don’t I count to myself? What makes me so “bad”/special that I don’t count? Logically, that makes no sense.

Does your therapist have any suggestions? I know that, in my experience, it can be hard to find good therapy for PD's -- once again the therapists are probably doing the best they know. It's just that not very much is known and it can just take so blankety, blank long and can be so hard! But if you don't feel that you're getting the help or support that you need, can you talk to your T about that?