Hmm... if you think a sexual encounter is a hookup, and, that it is semantics, then indeed you do not seem ready for sex, so it is probably best to stop thinking so much about it (if you can).

4) and it is that important for you to see him? that critically important?
5) flashbacks - aren't you in therapy?
2) why do you think he'd take advantage of you? Again, you talk as if you were not in control.

The most important thing that stands out is the lack of basic, kindergarten-level social skills. You told me that I was disrespectful of two gay people by calling them "otherwise gay". Somehow the gay people involved, now, several decades later, think the world of me (as per written correspondence), so I have not heard any statement of discontent from them, but you suggested that I was disrespectful. Not understanding your point, I asked you to specify. You should have first specified and explained yourself, because that is more important, at the moment, than your inability to take risks. You basically made a false accusation of me, and when asked to explain what you meant, you preferred to talk about your flashbacks, your not taking risks, etc. - yourself. This shows lack of basic social skills that are usually acquired in elementary school. Sexuality is much more of an adult thing - if you lack social skills at such a basic level, you need to acquire them (I do not know how) and then venture into all things sex, but not vice versa. Say, you cite the "discussion" we had about blowjobs. that was happening against my will - you joined other people in forcing me to talk about idiotic things when I wanted to talk about love. So you made my thread about yourself - I wanted to talk to adult women familiar with love, and you brought up your virginally orgasmic peeing. You should not have even opened that thread, because you do not know anything about love. So basically you wrote long and completely uninvited posts on a thread that you should not have opened, and now you feel entitled to cite what was happening on that thread without even a modicum of being apologetic. What is that? That is sense of entitlement, and sense of entitlement is an extremely unappealing personal quality. It won't preclude you from having flings, should you manage to find people interested in having flings with you, but on a more serious level, that sense of entitlement and the lack of basic skills of politeness will be as damaging to your overall attractiveness as is clumsiness.

A guy recently sent me a friends request. I went in to accept it. I noticed your name among my friends. I have close to 100 friends on this site, and more of the requests were incoming rather than outgoing. I pretty much remember the outgoing requests, and, I do not think that I sent a friends request to you. So you probably sent it to me.

Normally, people who want to have friends understand what friendship entails. You do not show such an understanding. You should know that one can reach what seems intellectual and professional maturity without emotional and social maturation. The issues with friendship should have come up in elementary school and got resolved there. By high school, for sure you should be able to understand how to behave with friends. If you do not even in college, then... I do not know... Have you read Three Comrades (novel) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

By the way, what I have been trying to do with you is psychodynamic therapy, the way I understand it - no worksheets, no exercises, but just a conversation in which people react and give feedback without delay. I asked you to explain what was disrespectful about "otherwise known as gay", and you disregarded that request, and that spoke volumes. Your therapist has not been doing this with you, right?