Quote:
Originally Posted by hamster-bamster
Hmm... if you think a sexual encounter is a hookup, and, that it is semantics, then indeed you do not seem ready for sex, so it is probably best to stop thinking so much about it (if you can).
4) and it is that important for you to see him? that critically important?
5) flashbacks - aren't you in therapy?
2) why do you think he'd take advantage of you? Again, you talk as if you were not in control.
The most important thing that stands out is the lack of basic, kindergarten-level social skills. You told me that I was disrespectful of two gay people by calling them "otherwise gay". Somehow the gay people involved, now, several decades later, think the world of me (as per written correspondence), so I have not heard any statement of discontent from them, but you suggested that I was disrespectful. Not understanding your point, I asked you to specify. You should have first specified and explained yourself, because that is more important, at the moment, than your inability to take risks. You basically made a false accusation of me, and when asked to explain what you meant, you preferred to talk about your flashbacks, your not taking risks, etc. - yourself. This shows lack of basic social skills that are usually acquired in elementary school. Sexuality is much more of an adult thing - if you lack social skills at such a basic level, you need to acquire them (I do not know how) and then venture into all things sex, but not vice versa. Say, you cite the "discussion" we had about blowjobs. that was happening against my will - you joined other people in forcing me to talk about idiotic things when I wanted to talk about love. So you made my thread about yourself - I wanted to talk to adult women familiar with love, and you brought up your virginally orgasmic peeing. You should not have even opened that thread, because you do not know anything about love. So basically you wrote long and completely uninvited posts on a thread that you should not have opened, and now you feel entitled to cite what was happening on that thread without even a modicum of being apologetic. What is that? That is sense of entitlement, and sense of entitlement is an extremely unappealing personal quality. It won't preclude you from having flings, should you manage to find people interested in having flings with you, but on a more serious level, that sense of entitlement and the lack of basic skills of politeness will be as damaging to your overall attractiveness as is clumsiness.
A guy recently sent me a friends request. I went in to accept it. I noticed your name among my friends. I have close to 100 friends on this site, and more of the requests were incoming rather than outgoing. I pretty much remember the outgoing requests, and, I do not think that I sent a friends request to you. So you probably sent it to me.
Normally, people who want to have friends understand what friendship entails. You do not show such an understanding. You should know that one can reach what seems intellectual and professional maturity without emotional and social maturation. The issues with friendship should have come up in elementary school and got resolved there. By high school, for sure you should be able to understand how to behave with friends. If you do not even in college, then... I do not know... Have you read Three Comrades (novel) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
By the way, what I have been trying to do with you is psychodynamic therapy, the way I understand it - no worksheets, no exercises, but just a conversation in which people react and give feedback without delay. I asked you to explain what was disrespectful about "otherwise known as gay", and you disregarded that request, and that spoke volumes. Your therapist has not been doing this with you, right? |
You were talking about love and being required to orgasm. I can’t talk about love because you’re right, I don’t understand it, however I do understand rape and that the human body responds to stimuli. The notion that if you are in love then you can only orgasm to thoughts/actions of your beloved sounds a little ridiculous because it puts a blanket over all women. Some women are like that. Perhaps you are, but some women aren't. I don't recall mentioning peeing on that thread, but if I did, I was mentioning it to just say that the human body responds to different things for different people. Yes, you can say that because I'm not in true love I can't really talk about it, but love doesn't like physically change the way your body is and the natural setup within it. I wrote posts challenging your idea that women in love are somehow all universally physically different than women not in love. I did not change the subject off of you because by the time I entered the discussion, the thread was talking mostly about rape which is something I am definitely qualified to talk about. I felt that by saying that women in true love can’t orgasm against their will was being dismissive of women in healthy relationships who were raped and had an orgasm against their will. I also open and read lots of threads and don’t respond to them. The only reason I did respond was because of the whole topic of rape that was brought up.
I took mild offense to the phrase you used. I didn’t respond to it because I already explained why I think it is disrespectful. I feel it assumes someone’s sexuality. However, within the context you used where you dated a man who identified as gay, it is appropriate in that setting. I felt like the gesture was that you were implying that I should make a move on my gay friends or that I should hang out with them in hopes of dating them. If I were to do that, it would be dismissive of their sexuality. If one of them happens to be attracted to me anyway because sexuality is a spectrum, that’s fine. I just don’t like the idea of calling the men who identify gay as “otherwise known as gay”. I didn’t mean to offend when I said “disrespectful”. I wasn’t trying to imply that you are a disrespectful human being or disrespectful to the entire LGBT community because I’ve seen your other posts and I know you are not. I was stating that I felt if I were to wait around hoping that one of my gay friends actually was attracted to me, that would be disrespectful. I did not realize you took as much offense to me using that word as you did and for that I apologize.
No, it doesn’t indicate a lack of social skills demonstrated by an elementary school student. It indicates the fact that you wrote a lot and I either didn’t finish responding to everything or I picked out certain aspects to respond to because I was on my way out of the door. This also is on the internet. Social skills are slightly different online. I will talk to people and then just randomly drop out of the conversation and people do that all the time. But in real life, that would be highly awkward and not okay. Similarly, responding to certain parts of a long post is okay because we aren’t having a literal back and forth dialog where I say just a few sentences and you respond in real time and vice versa. Yes, it is pretty fast as far as communicating online goes, but it’s still offset by a few hours and I have lots of material to respond to.
I don’t take internet friends as seriously as I do real life friends. However, I do have discussions and civil disagreements with friends. I don’t recall I ever said anything actually attacking you. You can say that me saying you were disrespectful was me “attacking you”, but the think about that is that everyone is disrespectful from time to time. Everyone is sometimes a hypocrite, or rude, or ignorant, or close minded, I am and so are you and everyone else on earth on occasion. But that doesn’t mean I am any of those things all of the time. (Just to be clear, I listed the other adjectives as examples of different negative things that everyone is occasionally, not to say you are any of those). If my friend in real life is being ignorant, we have a discussion about it because both of us want to grow as people. It doesn’t mean we are attacking each other or hate each other, it means that we disagree but still get along. Personally, I think that having the ability to disagree and challenge each other’s point of view while still being friends is indicative of maturity, not a lack of social skills.
Psychodynamic therapy is a little more than just a conversation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hamster-bamster
I did not say that your mind is twisted sexually. I said that it was twisted. You added the word "sexually" yourself. No, your mind is not twisted because of the way you use your words - rather, the way you use your words proves that your mind is twisted. there are no bisexual clothes, either - I gave you lots of options to describe the clothing that is not meant to increase your sexual appeal, and neither of the "normal" words offered had anything to do with sexual orientation, so, really, no reason to invent "bisexual" clothes.
If you are awkward in your body, clothes won't do much good, I am afraid to say. You need to find a way to enjoy MOVING your body - just moving it in space. Don't call it exercising, but focus on movement. I do not know what it would be for you - you can even try basketball given your height, but it requires exceptional coordination... certainly not something I have. And the jumps, the left-right-left-right movements... not easy. Volleyball is easier and yet you can benefit from your stature. Hiking requires no jumping, no team effort (I can see how basketball and volleyball may not be your thing due to the team effort involved)... unless you live in the heart of Boston, there must be parks for hiking. If you live in the heart of Boston, just walk the streets of the city, but some movement is necessary. It does not have to be a structured class. Hopefully with movement you will become less awkward and, as an extension, more attractive.
...
So were you raped by the father? Maybe you posted a story that I missed. Without the background information, your post is hard to understand.
|
I agreed with you. I said that using the word “asexual” was incorrect because it is a sexuality. It is just as incorrect as if I had said “bisexual clothes”. It doesn’t make sense. I wasn’t replacing “asexual” with “bisexual”, I was giving another example that sounded ridiculous on my part. I wasn’t inventing bisexual clothing. I don’t think it proves that my mind is twisted. It proves that I made a mistake and used the wrong word.
I hate exercise. I should do it to work on being less awkward, but I’m too stubborn to do it now.
Yes, I was. I don’t particularly like talking about it, but I did actually mention it on your thread.