I'm sorry for all you are going thru. Don't wait longer than I did to get away, by the time I did, I was in the throes of PTSD so badly, I attempted on my life twice. That was sadly after a women's shelter helped me. I was too far gone at that point ...I don't know how to express it. It was a disaster. I feel absolutely terrible for the things I did.

I AM encouraging you to find a Womens shelter. Do it before you get so far gone emotionally and mentally as I did. They will help you and your kids.
Be strong... you deserve a better life. Your kids do, too.