I've been back in counseling for about seven months. I've been in and out of therapy for (*cough*) lots of years now, slowly working through issues around csa and dissociation.

I've developed a good, solid, trusting relationship with my T, which is great. I've been feeling a little proud of myself for that, and so my brain has decided to lob a steaming pile of unresolved issues at me to deal with.

It's time to work on the sexual part of csa recovery. I'm terrified. I'm scared to sit across from my T and talk about this stuff. I can talk about memories like a pro, process emotions and connections from my childhood to my current life like someone who has been in therapy for years. Therapy has helped so much over the years, and I guess it makes sense that now that I am strong enough, and stable enough, it's time to tackle the hardest (I think) part of recovery.

I came close to opening this part of the work about six years ago under a lot of pressure from my then-husband, and it went really poorly. I wasn't ready, my ex-H wasn't able to be supportive (she said diplomatically), and everything went kaboom. My marriage blew up, I landed in a deep depression, and I slammed the lid closed on the box labeled "Sex Stuff" and shoved it back in the closet.

Has anyone made it through the sexual recovery part of csa with a T? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel with it? I know I need to bring it up Monday when I see T next, but I think I'd rather pack my passport and head for Mexico, instead.

I'm a big chicken.