Thank you, thank you, thank you.

It's been a long time since I was this scared to walk into a t's office. The last time was the first time I ever told a t about my transference issues and feeling obsessed with him and with t itself, which I had no idea was normal for trauma survivors. Walking in that day took everything I had - but looking back, that session was a pivotal one for my recovery. A lot of foundation was built on finally "owning up" to the transference.

I'm hoping for a similarly transformative result from this. I've warned my t that it's something I want (for lack of a better word) to work on, so it won't be out of the blue.

This is one of the times I wish T had a margarita machine in the waiting room. Maybe even just a shot glass and a bottle of whiskey. [I've never drank before a session, but sometimes the fantasy of a drink to take the nerves down a notch is pleasing.]