I feel like your first post describes some of the realizations I've had about my life and my friendships. How did I get to my 30s without figuring some of this stuff out? I'm glad your realizing this sooner so you can develop healthier relationships!

You are not a bad person for having boundaries or for wanting to have balanced, healthy relationships. It's extremely difficult to see someone who is in pain and to stop yourself from reaching out -- but you can't fix the world's problems or even that person's problems.

When you don't reach out or offer free dumping ground service, they'll find someone else who will. It's also amazing how quick some of these people are to dump you the minute you set even a small boundary-- which really highlights what kind of 'friendship' you were participating in.

What's even worse is that while you are spending all of your time with draining people, you're missing out on time you could be spending developing reciprocal relationships.

Do you ever feel like you attract draining people? Like you are just sitting there and they seem to flock to you? What I've finally figured out is that if you shut those people down ASAP, it opens up space for healthier conversations. If you are busy listening to someone drone on about their problems, no one else is going to stop by to join the conversation.

Have you read about narcissists at all? I found some of that literature explained my situation and behavior patterns very, very well.