Had overnight leave.... didnt go as well as planned, but did make me realise just how sick I am and that I do need to be here. I just hope I never have to go through what I went though last week again. I hope Im out of the worst and on the way back out of this depression. I think the zeldox increase has helped and I've had very few side effects nor felt doped up, which proves to me that the increase was necessary. The nurse I made a complaint about is on tonight... He scares me HUGE big man with a short temper. I might have to turn to the benzos tonight. I just finished the relaxation class but coming back to ward and seeing him triggered my anxiety.