I'm sorry you are so worried, Candybear!
I think it will just take some time and work and practice.

I had part of my pancreas and small intestine removed last summer. I spent the 10 months before that very sick, unable to eat (the treatment for pancreatitis) and undergoing many procedures and tests as they were trying to rule out pancreatic cancer. All the while I had to keep working. It was really a hellish year.

I'm recovered now, but yes I do still worry about getting sick again. Not the pain or the money or the procedures... but who will take care of me, as I am alone.

This can worry me anytijme, but in addition, I deal with medical documents on my job and that exposes me to medical information about serious illnesses and can make me think and worry.

When I was undergoing procedures and tests, I tried to keep calm by reminding myself that whatever was there.... was there. It was already there and dong a surgical procedure or test was not going to make it appear because if it was there... it was there. And the only way I could attempt to fight it would be if I was aware of it... so, if it was discovered that there was something there then that would empower me to go after it and fight it.

Tell yourself what's real. What's real is that you won't know anything until you get your test results. What's real is that you are scaring yourself and you don't have to do that. Practice reminding yourself that for right now, this very moment, you are fine.

((( Hugs )))