((Jane)), I have that same challenge often myself. I often find that I have not really had a restful nights rest because of how my dreams disturb and upset me while I am sleeping. I know it is a challenge that many who struggle with PTSD talk about having too. I find myself waking up and telling myself to "stop thinking bad thoughts like that" too. What does help me is when I work through something and have a "gain on my sense of control" or overall understanding about things that have upset me where I feel that impending doom. We dream at night in and effort to resolve the day's challenges so if you have an uneasy day, that will come out in your dreams at night. You need to practice at changing your dreams, it's challenging at first, but with practice you can gain on it.

You have some genuine concerns right now because you have changed your direction and you are also questioning "if" your therapist will be there for you in the way you need it. It "is" important that you talk about this with your T so you can be reassured as much as you need.

It definitely takes time to come to the realization and ability to finally realize that you really don't have to "measure up" to how other people "think" you need to do, be, or want in your life. I had to "really" work on that myself. First of all PTSD is hard for the person who struggles with it to understand and it makes them feel uneasy and vulnerable. People in general strive to be accepted and appreciated, our society feeds on that by constantly pushing products at us to help us feel we have risen to some kind of successful level too. Many of us are actually educated that way too, with getting praise whenever we are taught anything and are tested and get a good grade or that gold star of approval. However, that really doesn't determine someone's personal success. There are some extremely independent and successful people that didn't always get that "gold star" all the time. The truth is, we "memorize" many different things and yet we never end up using them at all. Also, whatever today's popular dishes may be, can end up being something that is "just old hat and not so "in" in the future, so why waste the emotional stress of even worrying about it? That is where you need your mental health to go and make gains on. Jane, you actually have more experience you can tap onto then you realize, it is just learning how to look at it and utilize it differently that you need to make gains on. As you progress with that process you will gain on not feeling that "impending doom" that you experience.

That is why Mowtown has been doing better, he is slowly taking back the control and moving forward. Will he have some challenges come about that can trigger? Yes, that can happen, however, if he keeps on track with choosing to take control, he will continue to make progress. You can experience that too.

I really think it is "great" that you have chosen to move forward, I think that as time goes on you will improve in your ability to gain from it. I see that you are just at a vulnerable stage right now, but you have succeeded in the past, you "can" achieve, you just need to develop that part of yourself that isn't as sensitive to others who's opinions really are not significant to what you want in your life path. That is what is often "missing" in many people who struggle, they just need that presence there to give them permission and blessing to do and be whatever "they" choose and want in their life. That is actually the rescuer that people with PTSD are searching for, but can't quite articulate it.

(((Encouraging Hugs))))