I thought at the start of my divorce and custody battle that my health records would not be disclosed. I was very wrong. When there are issues of mental illness and it affects your children, the Courts can order copies of medical records. This seems unfair and I think it is but the courts look at is as an safety issue. I have tried to end my life before; my husband at this time came home 2hrs early that day from work. I guess someone was looking out for me that day because I ended up in I.C.U for almost a week. I would have died if he did not come home early that day. So my history shows instability, the courts have a right to get ahold of my records. Just to let you all know; IT SUCKS!!! Nobody considers the reasons why I attempted suicide. My husband was violent. After he had beat me into a wall and choked me, I just had enough, I wanted to die. I guess when you hear over and over, how bad of a person you are, you start to believe it. We may not be together anymore but I still live this. Our children will bind us together and I have to see and talk to him on a regular basis. Not to long ago, he left my 6 year old home alone. I just happened to phone over at the time he did this. I was horrified to have my son answer in tears as he was scared to be alone. My son has medical issues and has had many struggles. I went over to my ex-husbands to sit with my son until his father returned. When he did return; he flew off the handle because I was there. He backed me up into a corner and I tried desperately to get out. I managed to talk him down a bit and made it to the stairs towards the door. He pushed me down the stairs. I got up and went outside. He kept pushing me down all the while my little boy was standing right there. It made me sick to see my precious child watching this all over again as he did when we were married. It's amazing what this man has gotten away from; but money does talk in this world. His family is very wealthy and this has hurt me in Court. He has the best of the best lawyer.
My kids are the world to me. I always say that they are the bright stars to a dark and gloomy night; for me. I treasure every moment we share together. They are what has kept me here this long. I NEED HELP SO BAD!!!! I AM DROWNING RIGHT NOW AND CAN'T GET HELP. This is hard for others to understand; I have lost so much already; if I get help and its recorded that I have suicidal ideation; I might as well throw in the towel now. Please all of you that read this, I beg you to understand. Its been a battle that I just can't win and it kills me more and more each day to see what my kids endure. My soul is gone, its just my body now. I just want to know whatever decision that I make; my kids will be okay. They can't be in this mess anymore.
Thanks for listening.
Elizabeth