Hello everyone,

I have a little theory that I would like to run by other survivors of severe manic episodes (other opinions are welcome as well).

I was only manic once, but it was a bad bad episode. I lost my job for a totally embarrassing reason, lost most of my friends, spent all my savings, briefly separated from my husband, posted things online that I don't even want to think about, hang out with people I had no business knowing, etc.

When I came down and realized the damage my shenanigans have caused I was devastated! I was remorseful, ashamed of myself, couldn't even look in the mirror for a long time.

But as time passed and I was forced to analyze my illness I realized that my episode had some unexpected positive side effects. I guess it made me have a good look at who I really was and what I really wanted. Before I went manic my whole life was dedicated to living by other people's standards, meeting expectations that weren't my own. My self worth was dependent on how successful I was at pretending that I was what everyone else wanted me to be. I don't think there was a single person who would really know "me", not just this "edited version" of me.

And then I went manic, and my filter broke down, and I said things I am horrified of now, but they were true to a degree. The presentation wasn't very tasteful unfortunately, but I did express my real desires and my grievances and it made me think about things I tried to ignore for years.

It also made me have a good look at people around me. I realized that my husband wasn't a perpetual innocent victim of my moods, he was actually neglectful of me for years. No, he didn't deserve the way I treated him while manic, but he did contribute to my distress. He didn't realize it before mania, but he got the message loud and clear after it. And I am happy to report that his treatment of me improved dramatically.

I know who my real friends are now. I am glad many toxic people left my life during my manic episode, because they thought that I ruined myself permanently and couldn't benefit them anymore.

My parent finally realized that I was not put on this Earth to make them happy and they better not push me beyond my breaking point.

Before I went manic I used to have short fits of rage when I would feel like the most unhappy person alive and like everyone wrong me. I don't have them anymore. I actually like my life now and I feel in control of it.

Can anyone relate to this experience? Or am I just fooling myself into finding positive effects of a serious mental condition?