This may not fit any theoretical viewpoint of therapy (I avoid reading therapy books), but it seems that healthy dependence in any relationship, therapy or otherwise, rests somewhat on our ability to ask for help appropriately when we need it rather than refuse needed assistance. On the other end it rests on one's ability to take care of our needs ourselves when we can without over-extending ourselves in a harmful way. It takes self-awareness of our personal capabilities and limitations and the willingness to take care of those healthily and appropriately.

I have always tended to take care of myself and not want to bother others. It has made me very independent, but to a fault. One thing I have finally learned is that it is okay to ask for help. People won't think less of me. In therapy, that has shown over the last few years in my ability to see when I am in need of help, when doing it myself even using all my skills is not going to be enough, when relying on my pdoc or T to help me handle a crisis is absolutely the healthiest action to take. Most of the time I am very capable of handling my life and emotions pretty effectively using what I have learned, but those occasions occur when I need help and can depend on my pdoc and my T to give it.