Totally understand. Going through the same myself. I'm treading it as if I am an addict. I know keeping in touch with this person only hurts me and yet I go back to him again. I can't understand why he doesn't care about me knowing that I'm homeless and unemployed but I keep staying in denial thinking that he is under a trance that is not making him see clear what he is doing. Making excuses for him when deep down I know the truth. The reason why I see it as an addiction is because like any substance abuse. We know is bad for us but yet we still look for it. Because we don't know any better. We don't know that we deserve better. So I am taking it one day at a time. Just like in AAA. Hello my name is _______ and it has been 3 days since my last drink. As the days keep passing more we built ourselves up. So today. Hello my name is ______ and it has been 2 days since my last contact with my ex. I know is not a lot but every day counts. It holds me accountable. I had tried this for a few days. And I may give in at times and call. But is ok to have a set back. I just start back again when there will be a day that I don't feel the need to contact him no more. Hope this helps. Stay strong and remember you are important. You may not realize it now but one day you will. I keep telling this to myself as well. I understand you and you are not allow. Take care of yourself.