I know for me, I think I was born too sensitive. I see and perceive all the evil happening in the world. When I fight back against it, I end up fighting things all the wrong way, which ends up hurting me more as well as my loved ones. I just sit there and take it and take it until I snap the wrong way. I just want the world and the people in it to love each other and be good to each other. Its sadly not like that. In my life I have never truly felt unconditionally loved. Even with my first husband, I just was never 'good' enough for him. Always being pushed into his fantasy of threesomes every damn time I had relations with him. Plus dealing with him shoving porn down my throat and then his subsequent hiding his porn addiction. I was never, ever good enough. It spiraled me into this abyss of self-hatred and self-punishment. Its like I thought I deserved it all. This is an example of my feeling so utterly rejected by everyone around me....I was just never good enough just the way I was. It fed the fire in me. Pushing back against things and people in all the wrong ways. When voicing my feelings and expressing my viewpoints were not accepted, man, it just unraveled me to no end. Why can't people accept and respect people for who they are and not try to change them or coherse them into doing things against their principles and beliefs. The utter rejection is really difficult to deal with after some time of it. I'm rambling, so I guess I will stop. I don't even know if I am making sense.