So two days ago I had the worse time ever. I guess my depression hit rock bottom. I was meant to go back to work(for a 12hr shift)but when I got there I had a panic attack. Turned around and ran as fast as I could away from the place. I walked around crying in the rain for 2hrs and in that time I knew I had given up. I guess I tried to "do something silly" but managed to get to my mums before crying my eyes out to her and telling her what I tried to do. She called my doctor and I was put on more medication.
Now I'm not saying these two days after that have been amazing but they haven't been bad either. I can't remember the last time when I thought a day was ok. Yesterday I got dressed, put my running shoes on and went for an hour long run in the park. Even though it was cold and raining it felt good to be out. I even think I smiled. When I got home I thought I'm going to put make up on and do my hair. I wasn't going anywhere but thought it might make me feel good about myself, and it did! I went to the shops to buy a magazine(I don't even read them) and I saw an old friend from school and he (his 4yr old daughter)invited me up to his for a chat and cup of tea(I told him about my depression) his daughter said she would do my hair and make up for me before we play the wii so it would make me happy(she asked what depression was) kids are so innocent that sometimes they just know what to say to make you smile without even trying. Today I ate a proper meal too. To anyone else that sounds like a normal day, but to me it was a big step. I know it's not going to be plain sailing and I will still have my bad days but as long as I get these days with it I guess I can struggle on for awhile longer and just hope that it gets a lot better. I guess I wanted to share this to show that you do get at least one ok day