I know part of my depression and self abuse behaviors is my recent loss of my baby. I have not talked about it much and this is hard to even type. I thought if I pretended that it did not happen, I would be fine. But that's furthest from the truth. I dream about my baby, I see my ultrasound in my mind. The little heartbeat. I want my baby back. When I am out of the house and see other babies or walk by the baby section; I want to just lay there and cry. My baby is gone and part of me left with my gift. I guess I don't deserve to have anymore children because I have hurt the ones I have now. I believe this is why I couldnt have this one. Why do I deserve a gift of life when I am who I made myself to be.
Elizabeth