I am so scared that this is happening to my T as far as dealing with me. I am confused , angry, feeling completely out of control. there is so much I want to say to her about what has been going on but I don't think she wants to hear it. I think she is so so tired of me and my crap. I have told her I am sorry but how far can that go. I know I have acted like a spoiled selfish brat. I know I need to get over what my farther has done to me in the last few weeks . things have gotten back to being ok with him. now that my son has gone he is leaving me alone .at least for now.

BUT I cant seem to get all this horrible stuff out of my head, that I am a horrible mother. a horrible daughter and wife. I am completely consumed by it. I wake up with thoughts of all the horrible things I did and how my farther has a right to act and feel the way he does towards me. my T just doesn't seem to understand at all how horrible I was when I was living with him. I am completely out of control with these thoughts. I cant tell her for so many reasons. why would I give her even more reason to hate me. I am already a horrible spoiled brat in here eyes. I don't know how to be around her . I am at a complete loss as to how to fix this . I don't know if it can . I am angry at her. I thought I could tell her anything . even how I felt about what my farther does. it hurt when she told me im not protecting my son .

im in such a dark mood ,i'm SIing and that isn't even helping . im trying to get out of the house but every time I do I feel like the people I get together with hate me so much. I hate being around them because it hurts. I know im on a huge pity party and feeling sorry for myself and that makes me even more repulsed. it is a huge spiral that I cant get myself out of . I am so so angry at everything . I know that even if I go to T I will hate everything my T says . but I don't think I would be so wrong in that at this point. just ranting hoping I can just burn out for tonight and sleep