Thank you all for your kind words and time.

I wanted to say that not everything is bad for me at the moment, and I think I need to try to focus on the good that is happening at the same time as I am struggling. But you know, its really hard to do that. When I am in the middle of a ....... I don't even know what to call it......reaction/emotional flashback/memory/flashback/anxiety response(whatever) , I really do loose sight of any good.

Maybe the key will be, despite being incredibly overwhelmed by challenging thoughts and emotions, being able to choose to be and act in another way. Not control, but more like accept and choose to do something else.

I know I am making progress, in many many areas, but as my T pointed out today by email I am thrown off course again and again by my past trauma and experiences. I look forward to a time when I am far less affected by it.

Thanks for listening/reading and offering your nuggets of wisdom and support.....I genuinely appreciate it. to you all