Well, I'm deeply feeling this again, and I've reread the thread. I appreciate the encouragement, but I am unable to take it to heart right now.

It's near the end of the school term, and though I've done pretty well in grades, I feel very burdened by seeing how lacking I am in any real connection to the world, and lacking any sense of ability to progress and do anything besides grub for grades. I feel a very dark sense of failure. I see how hard I struggle for meager results, how inefficient and stupid I am. Lately it's been harder to get out of bed. Tonight I swam, harder than ever before, and I feel so tired yet not relaxed. Usually I feel good after swimming. Right now is a lot of pressure at school, and there is no joy. I feel so sad, tears raining out of my eyes so many times a day.