First, hugs, because you sound like you need them.

Second, I've been where you are. Your not alone. My advice, follow what you want. For me, I couldn't take it anymore and haven't gone back because it was very damaging on me (wrong people), but I'm still friends with many who are still poly.

I couldn't get over the manipulation and the burried jealousy. In my mind that's not suppose to be there. As for people knowing, I kept it to close friends and people who found out. But even my sister called me a slut to my face.

Pm me if you want to talk.