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Originally Posted by keeprolling
First off, I am so sorry that this has happened to you  but I would also like to mention that a lot of his behavior is definitely not particularly a symptom of depression but being a brat and incredibly inappropriate. Even at my worst state of depression I would never harass anyone and I would very rarely even have the energy to get angry. It seems like you're taking a lot of steps to try and instill some sort of social functioning and discipline in his life but unfortunately it doesn't seem to be working. The above people are correct in how lovely you guys are to try so hard and you most definitely need to look for more support. Support groups are a great idea but I would also suggest talking to friends, family, and even some teachers. Great ideas can come from unexpected places 
And last but not least, it's also important to realize that even though you all want to help so much, sometimes you can't. You aren't the right person or it's just not the right time, whatever the reason, a lot of the time, family can't fix the problem for a person. It comes from the outside. Through experiencing the world in a different way and then feeling the change in yourself. I would actually suggest sending him to a camp of some sort? Get him out of his normal environment and it gives everyone, including him, a break from stressors. Send him to a home stay in a different country or let him live with relatives. Something that forces him to stay busy and moving with a firm hand and a gentle heart. Maybe he can be a farm hand for a while? A lot of the time when you are forced to open your eyes, that is the only way to realize your eyes were closed in the first place.
I can tell you all really care for him and that's so great. Don't loose hope, there are still many ways to help him |
When I was depressed I got angry all the time and I often lashed out as a teen at the people who cared about me at the most, you could label me as a "brat" but you would be incredibly wrong. I would say that is an incredibly ignorant thing to say about someone dealing with a serious mental illness. I did not need discipline, believe me that was the last thing I needed. I wanted to die every day, I needed help, not punishment. Sending him away seems a bit harsh, like he needs to be fixed, when in reality the entire family needs to work together to do this. Don't give up on him, my parents never gave up on me and now we have an amazing relationship. Believe me if you send him away to be 'fixed" he will resent you more in the future, your whole family needs help, not just him. He is going through something and needs a serious amount of help. Above posters are right, normal parenting tactics wont work, normal punishments/parenting wont work for someone who is depressed, normal expectations well you can get rid of those right now, you have to understand this is not a "normal" teen so throw that vocab word out the window and realize that this is your one and only son and start loving him for him, which I know can be frustrating but this is your child you have no right to give up on him.
Whatever you do, please do not take the above posters advice and send him away, that is the dumbest thing in the world. You do not send a troubled depressed child away to be "fixed" and then expect him to come back and your life be all better, that is not how families work. No, you all work together, everyone gets help together to create a healthier life. He needs to receive treatment, if you are all feeling this bad can you imagine how he is feeling inside? Can you imagine what he is feeling on a daily basis?
My honest suggestion? A complete psychological evaluation. Which can cost a lot of money, but well worth it in the end, a second opinion by one or more psychiatrists, perhaps new medications that can help, family therapy, more intense therapy, stop pushing him to do things he is not ready for. His therapist should have given him coping skills for cutting and social situations. If he has been with the same therapists for 3 years and still seems to be getting no where well it is time for someone new.
You throw are words like grouchy and party pooper, believe me when your heading for much worse if you don't start becoming more understanding of the pain your child if feeling. Have you lost your empathy for him? I get that over time it wears you down but you absolutely cannot lose this because he is on a downward spiral and your his mom, you need to catch him because you are all he has.