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It is very hard to let go of a relationship you have invested 20 plus years with as well as the future relationship you thought you would have, but she has already emotionally left your family. Have you looked into Al anon these are people who can help you learn how to stop enabling she behavior and help you and your family deal with these actions of hers.
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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