So I think I may go in the hospital. I tried to get in to see the physician's assistant at the organization that I go to, but she is booked out for a month. My mom has been pushing me to go and I think it will help, hope it will help. I can't continue just existing like this...flat, can't do anything, hopeless and empty. It's not acceptable. Not when I know what I can be.

I have my kids for the next two days and I don't consider myself a danger to anyone or myself. So, I think that I may go on Thursday after they go back to their father. I don't want to disrupt things for them, since it's spring break. Hope I can find some energy to do something fun with them. A friend is helping me with groceries since I'm also broke now that I haven't been working for a while.

I'm nervous and I fear it won't help but I have to do something, right??