So I've written a lot about my feelings for my T. I've also written a lot about losing her , and how it feels...and so on. We're going to set a "termination" date next week. I told her today, that I was unaware anything could hurt this much. I told her my heart hurts.

I don't know how to deal with this kind of grief. I've never experienced it before. I'm angry ...because Ultimately , staying in touch with me or not is HER decision...there is a such thing as free will, which leads me to believe she doesn't want to stay in touch with me. Which of course is totally up to her and I'd never force myself on anyone... I just wish I was "worth it" to her , you know. She's beautiful, so freaking smart , funny, witty , sarcastic...pretty much everything I like about a person all wrapped up into one...how could I not feel the way I do?

Anyway , this wasn't meant to be a long post, I'm basically just trying to reach out. There are certain things I don't feel comfortable writing on a public forum...just things that are "too personal" ...or something.

If anyone has some time, or has been in my spot...If anyone can help me "guide" myself through this grief and extremely painful time in my life - I would greatly appreciate you sending me a PM. As I sit here I have tears in my eyes, my head hurts...my heart hurts... I want to be brave and handle this the best way I can...I just don't even know where to start. I have literally never felt this kind of grief. Not ever.