|
Mar 24, 2014, 04:41 PM
|
|
|
|
Member Since: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 3,517
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by hvert
Hi, I'm curious about how you can tell if something is going to be codependent. I am trying to figure that out too. You are right that it is better to just not go down that path because extricating yourself from it is miserable.
Don't feel too guilty about ending these one-sided relationships. They would have done the same to you once they realized you were no longer going to comply with all their demands.
|
After 4 years of therapy with trauma specialist, I now actually have a sense of self, like a “bubble” around me. Very weird. So I don’t have to “set” a “boundary”, I can actually tell if somebody’s intruding, not taking into account that I count, too, etc. And it “hurts” when I’m being treated like I don’t count. Not hurting in the sense that I have to say “ouch” or do anything about it, but hurts in the sense I get the information in my consciousness, “be a little careful here about being too involved with this person.”
I may have gotten something like this information before the successful therapy but I would have thought "That's not nice, don't be judgmental. . .", etc. How did I get to the place that something inside of me said "I count, too"? I'm not sure, I guess it's just the therapy. But maybe you can train yourself, too. "Other people count but I count, too."
Still, it sometimes seems like I'm going into a strange, scary new world. My T says just do it, I'm not perfect, I'm not expected to be perfect.
You are correct about how the friendship ending would go. I didn't actually end the friendships directly. I just objected to continuing to comply with the people's demands, and they ended the friendships on their end. I still feel a little guilty, but the guilt will probably fade in time and in the meanwhile keep me from entering into any more codependent relationships!!
|