I think the shame for me comes from the fallout of my decisions when I'm hypo and when I get depressed. My depressions are just insane. Thank god they have only come at their blackest 5 times now in my life. But each time, my life has literally fallen to shambles around me.

It embarasses me because I am jealous and angry that this is my fate. To go through this over and over with some normalcy between. I don't want to live life waiting for the hammer to fall. I have to find a way. So I'm not so much ashamed as I am horrified. It's like a bad movie.