oh granite. i've just now read your thread. your T cares about you so much. i know she does. she doesn't hate you. you have probably experienced much hate from your family though. maybe try to compartmentalize the hate to just coming from them, lol. stick all their hate towards you into a big box or trash bin, maybe even label it "family hate", and let it be there waiting for the trash men to take away instead of being on you. maybe you can draw/paint that or something. also, maybe asking your T to work with you on grounding skills, if she hasn't already, would help. take gentle care. you are loved.