no, you are not being stupid for thinking things are bad. you are in a relationship where there is no communication, no intimacy, and there is cheating going on. things look pretty bleak. but this doesn't mean that you have wasted 14 years. he is willing to try counseling. that says something. you guys can start at ground zero and rebuild from a strong foundation committed not to make the same mistakes you have made in the past.. you have been through a lot together. it is worth a shot. take care