Well I should admit that I'm very lucky to be married to a wonderful guy. I very much love my spouse, and can't/won't cheat on him either way, so that makes it a bit easier. That being said it's still very sad, and frustrating, and engrossing in an obsessional sort of way.

The part that feels the most heartbreaking is definitely that part where he cant fill the role I want him to, and I want to say that's just sleeping with me, but it's also that he cant be more to me, like a live in house guest, LOL. I like talking to him/having him around so it's greater than just physical attraction of course... Why wouldn't I feel this way, I mean I'm basically paying the guy to show me love and I picked one that I really liked off the bat

Don't worry, you'll get over him, promise. It kind of peaks and then just starts to fade away as you focus in on therapy, life is 'always' like that. I say this as I still love my T, and very much still, want to sleep with him at times just not so much it makes me crazy at the moment. In my 4 decades I've seen enough to know that change is the only thing you can rely on.