I know that I am doing the right thing. It's what I need, but its scary. I do worry about my mental health overseas.

The friends recording a message sounds nice. I love my friends, but I feel like I am putting a bandaid on a problem. I feel OK or happy with them, and then go home and cry. Sometimes, I try to reach out to others, but I am often unvalidated. They just throw optimism at me or tell me that I'm so strong and going to meet cool people ... true, but I'm looking for help out of this crippling depression that will only get worse.

My man hasn't contacted me. Today was horrible. I deleted his number. He was supposed to be my Skype buddy in China. Now I have to do it alone. My ex says that he would never have had the strength to stay in China if I wasn't Skyping him.