Well I have been treated in the past for depression. I'm being treated for bp currently. If it's depression talking, then I guess I have been depressed for 20+ years. Yeah, some days are better than others, but my overall average outlook is gloom and doom mixed with fear and paranoia.

If I'm refused disability this year, I won't make it. My blood pressure is 182/99 and can't afford care to get in with doctor to get meds for it. I can tell it's affecting me. Disability is my last hope for survival!

I'm growing tired waiting for my hearing date. This bipolar started somewhere around 3 years ago when I got fired from a job for my 3rd outburst on coworkers. I hung in and worked some odd end jobs until Oct. 2013 when finally went to a clinic and got got diagnosed with bipolar and started a med.

I need some kind of a life besides sitting in a room constantly staring at a pc screen , tv, or 4 walls. Without a job and money, it's all I can do.

So, when life really sux so bad, why do we have to keep going? People like me who are ready to go cannot, and god bless the folks on that jet living the good life get taken, and they probably were no where near ready to go.

Why do I have to continue to suffer day in and day out? At least with a terminal illness you can look forward to each day because you know you only have so many left. Now I do understand that not even my next breath is guaranteed, but if it's God's plan for me to live until I'm older like in my 60's or 70's, I just can't continuing suffering mentally for another 20-30+ years.

Like the Rolling Stones sang, I just can't seem to get no satisfaction, out of anything in life.

I think I should have a choice as to whether I want to live in hell or not.