When I was first diagnosed with BPD, I went into a great depression. I had an earlier blow of being diagnosed with Cyclothymia 3 months earlier. I've always suffered with panic and insomnia. How could I lead a normal life?

But, I've done OK.

BPD scared me because the people that I've known with it are so mean and manipulative and whatnot.

But, I've accepted that I manifest this illness differently. I'm not mean. I do not call people names and do not cheat and do a lot of good things for others.

So, I've gotten over the fear that I am a shithead. However, my mean BPD friends all have successful relationships and I don't.

So that's my new fear. I don't have it in me to guilt or manipulate anyone into loving me.

So, who will? I'm difficult. No one cares about the good in me.

I feel like I'm going to be misunderstood forever. I feel unlovable. I'm willing to try to get over this, but I don't want to be always alone.

What can I do? If I tell anyone about it, they will judge me. Or not get it. I'm stuck.

The only solution that I have is to travel the world, build my career, volunteer for organizations, and cry in my free time.

It isn't an enjoyable life. Why can't anyone like me?