Hi 20broken17, what you're feeling really matters. And you definitely owe it to yourself not to hide it way, it's important. As for other people going through worse well what you're going through is very real too.
No competitions here as to who should or shouldn't get all the support (!! ) everyone matters!! And there are going to be different users who can relate to/support with different things, so whatever it is you're more than likely going to find someone who really wants to talk/help.
And by the way, count me in on that!!
So you're not complaining, you're laying it out there, and thankyou!!
Well done on trying to distract yourself from those thoughts, it really can't have been easy for you. But you know when thoughts gather intensity sometimes they need different techniques to help ease them, if only a little. Do you think maybe you could try moving onto different techniques than one's that might have helped in the past? e.g. different distractions or things to replace them a little?
It is good that the meds have helped in the past but if they're not working so well now that doesn't need to mean that it's to do with you. Sometimes some meds can lose some of the effect after the initial period or after using them for a while, so maybe you need to have them or the dosage reviewed. It can take time to find a good balance.
And talking, you know I want you to be doing that, right!! Maybe extend that to telling your pdoc (if you have one?) everything and A.S.A.P, maybe think about a therapist, maybe think about using hotlines, maybe you could talk to someone close to you (or who could be close to you), and of course we're here for you too.....if there's anything we can do to help just a little........
And well done on sharing this with us!!
Alison