It just feels like a dead end. Therapy can't fix it. Nothing can fix it. I have spent the past year or so doing everything I can to get my life together - immersing myself in school (which I love), meeting new people, volunteering, joining groups at school, trying new things, earning some money, doing some writing, working on setting boundaries with family, and yes, therapy. And I thought I had my life together. But then I realized a few weeks ago that I really don't - it was just an illusion.

I don't need a T who will be "mom" to me, but I do need a T who will care about me and not fear my attachment to her. But I think maybe some wounds just never heal...therapists exist to help give you insight, but I already have too much insight - that's my problem. And I'm not ready to do some CBT work to change the behaviors that I can't just change through insight. So then the reductive answer seems to be that I just want a T who will listen and care. Which may help, but is also pretty pathetic...

With old T, I never had to worry about whether "treatment" actually meant "treatment" or whether it was just perpetuating my neediness...with new T, this could easily happen.

And the funny thing is, I would be ready to leave old T if she would give me something to hold onto - a kind word, or just something so I can have fond memories of her and end it on a good note instead of a disappointing one (ex. I failed).