OK, here is my story. I would greatly appreciate the honest truth as to what you might think of it. I can take it whatever it might be.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years, we have 2 kids. we have never been good a communicating , but we loved each other and when we were young, we were just having fun. Now things are different and have gotten difficult. For a long time I have felt responsible. I was pampered as a child and I definitely was NOT a good homemaker at first. My husband was a great cook and he said he like to do it. I also failed at keeping up with housework and keeping things going. After we were married for 4 years and before we had kids we had a long talk. He told me that he felt the burden of doing everything around the house and that I was not doing my part. He confessed that he was worried about having kids with me because of the added work. I agreed and went to counselling. I did a whole year of counselling where I learned that I am not at all the lazy useless piece of garbage that I thought I was. The truth is, I work full time - always have - and part time. I have always had a second job to help make ends meet. I could see that there were areas at home where I was failing, and I worked hard to make laundry and cleaning more of a priority. And it has been. I do not expect my husband to take care of any more than half of the house work. Now that we have kids, all of the kid stuff has fallen to me. I am absolutely the primary care taker. My husband is a good and involved father, but he works long hours outside the home and I have the kids with me most often.

Ok, to the point. We started counselling about a month ago. At first he was angry and our first session was difficult at best. He said he was just going through the motions and didn't really see any home for us. He also said he didn't want a divorce, but that he didn't see how this can truly be any better. I was shocked and hurt. BUT he agreed to go back and now we have had 5 sessions in total. While I have really taken it to heart and have been working hard to do what the counselor suggests, he has not. At our last session he acknowledged that he has noticed that I have been working at this both in and out of counselling. It felt good to be acknowledged. But then as the counselor began to press him for his feelings and his part in all this, he started to get angry. He talked around answers and avoided questions. Until he finally said he is just here going through the motions. That hurt to hear. But I don't know if I believe it.

From the beginning I have felt like this mess is my fault. He has told me so. That I am the reason he is unhappy and hates to come home. But for some reason, after this session I began to suddenly feel like this isn't all my fault. And that I cannot fix it on my own. I am so tired of feeling guilty. But whether he meant what he said or not, I can't see the point in continuing if he isn't going to try. Surprisingly, right after that he agreed to come back next week. I don't know what to think. I am wondering -Is he just coming because I asked him to? Is he going to continue to go to the sessions but do nothing else to improve things? How is that not just a huge waste of time?

I suspect that he still actually loves me. I think that he hates himself. I think that he feels like his life is not what he expected. Although we have a good life. He thinks that I am crazy for ever suggesting that anything could be different. When I talk about making my side business my full time job and quitting my current full time job, he says I am delusional and idealistic. He has this attitude that things are the way the are and that they can never be any different. He tells people I am crazy for suggesting that things can be better. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise that he thinks that way about our marriage too.

This session was yesterday and since then I am just inwardly focused. I am tired of trying to fix this alone. If he is not trying then I am done. I am going to take care of myself. I am going to have fun with my kids and for now, I am not going to concentrate on making him happy. That has been my sole thought for 10 years = how can I make him happy? Well that is over. For now. For now we are living separate under the same roof. I plan to wait it out and if he comes around - I will work! But if he does not ever come around then I am going to suggest that it is over. The LAST thing I want is divorce. I hate that our children would have to go through that, but I refuse to stay in an emotionally void relationship. I just have no idea how this happened. I feel like I am in someone else's life.

If you are still reading - thank you. I know it's a lot. what do you think? Am I wrong? Can I do this differently? Is there another option? Thanks so much!