hey. my best sessions are my worst sessions too. i guess that in the best sessions i actually open up and express the things i'm vulnerable about.

but it really gets to me afterwards. because all my fears and insecurities hit me full force. i have this stuff going on where to express attachment is to set oneself up for abuse and rejection and being viewed as pathetic and contemptable and repulsive and the like. after the sessions it is really hard. i had a couple of sessions where i kind of opened up like that. didn't exactly express attachment but i certainly implied it and i'm fairly sure he got what i was getting at. last session i was kind of rejecting and pushed him away every time he tried to get close to those scary feelings. i needed to do that that time (and it was GREAT for me to see that he coped with that okay and didn't retaliate or whatever and that he could handle it). so i expect i'll open up again a little bit more next time.

it IS hard. but sounds to me like talking about these fears is indeed an important step towards working through these fears. and finding out that termination can be either YOUR decision or a MUTUAL decision (and that abandonment isn't inevitable) is GREAT. :-)

i used to get scared that if i improved then my therapist would terminate me. or stop investing so much effort in helping me. took me a while but eventually i realised... even if i try my hardest to be a happy and healthy individual i just can't pull it off for long. sigh. ;-)

problems are there... they really are there... one doesn't have to try at all...