I know what you mean. I've been recently talking to my T about this. About living town different lives: one on the outside and a totally different one on the inside.

Every human has the right to be happy and content. Including you, because I would assume that you are human.
This won't go on forever. Do you have a T? I had to start seeing my T twice a week because my life is such a mess.

I believe that you can do this! You can be strong enough!