So the day has come. I feel silly and maybe in the end I'll tell myself I've been a complete idiot for thinking all this. The fact is, I'm in a horrible horrible place right now and my therapist is not helping at the moment.
For some good reasons (positive news for me actually) I got an appointment fixed on therapy day and today I sent a text to my T to ask her if it would be possible to anticipate/move the appointment, only if it won't be a problem. Well, it's 1 am here and T hasn't got back to me. She's read it straight after. A million other things may have come in between but I can't help imagining her say "this ****ing girl, again". I never contact her between sessions. I did it once in a true emergency: she doesn't allow/encourage contact between sessions BUT answered soon after and it was late evening, and she took the time to read tons of stuff I handed her thinking we would read them in session but she did it between sessions. Usually reaches out to me when I struggle in session and has been great to me even when she was not supposed to. Now that I just need a very plain answer/time confirmation, is it possible that my therapist is fed up of me and has abandoned me? I mean, I'm needy but don't want to look like that, I really don't harass my therapist usually. And I wouldn't care too much if I wasn't worried for her.

I perfectly know I'm being stupid and nonsense and I'm going to laugh over it (probably).
It just happens in a moment when the people I love the most are getting tired of me: my mother says we don't need another problem (when I tried to tell her about my ed), my grandma whom I love has just rejected me and my father doesn't speak to me anymore. So just a bad day.

Sorry and thanks if you had the patience to read this.