Quote:
Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot
When I was first diagnosed with BPD, I went into a great depression. I had an earlier blow of being diagnosed with Cyclothymia 3 months earlier. I've always suffered with panic and insomnia. How could I lead a normal life?
But, I've done OK.
BPD scared me because the people that I've known with it are so mean and manipulative and whatnot.
But, I've accepted that I manifest this illness differently. I'm not mean. I do not call people names and do not cheat and do a lot of good things for others.
So, I've gotten over the fear that I am a shithead. However, my mean BPD friends all have successful relationships and I don't.
So that's my new fear. I don't have it in me to guilt or manipulate anyone into loving me.
So, who will? I'm difficult. No one cares about the good in me.
I feel like I'm going to be misunderstood forever. I feel unlovable. I'm willing to try to get over this, but I don't want to be always alone.
What can I do? If I tell anyone about it, they will judge me. Or not get it. I'm stuck.
The only solution that I have is to travel the world, build my career, volunteer for organizations, and cry in my free time.
It isn't an enjoyable life. Why can't anyone like me?  |
Oh My God!!
I am going through the same thing! I just started dating again and I thought I should tell this guy (after 3 dates) that I have this "thing".. Because I was starting to feel the first feelings of "perceived abandonment" and not to manipulate him into doing something so I not longer have to face those feelings, it was more to give him a heads up if I come across 'needy'.. geez I hate that word..
Well, away he went.. didn't speak with me again..then rang me days later and apologised.. We aren't seeing eachother but we do chat..
I am broken, and I feel like damaged goods, and I envy those who have found patient and caring partners..
I am nice, I am extremely caring, I will wash your dog and mop your floors and buy Christmas cards for your grandmother, I will ring around and get quotes for your car insurance and I will cook you your favourite meal after a long hard day... but all I ask is you just have a little patience with me when I need reassurance that you wont leave me after you drove off in a hurry this morning after getting cranky with me because I wanted to know why you didn't hug me..
So yes, I am a nice "one" I am sooo loving and compassionate... but can I ever be shown love and compassion back??
Sorry HDTR, I just used your post to blurt out my own concerns because I can relate soooo much to what you said..
And how do you recognise them??