Back a few weeks ago, before I was placed on Lamictal, I had what appears to be a terrible mood episode. Please let me explain. I would be distracted by very intrusive, meaningless thoughts. My mind would jump from one thought to the next with no apparent rhyme or reason. I became anxious and very, very agitated. One time I found myself driving on the wrong side of the road when I almost got into an accident, wondering how I got there. Anxiety went through the roof. I found it virtually impossible to follow simple conversations with friends. I becomes very distressed. I would convince myself that I had everything under control, that it would be a simple matter for an intelligent person like me to find a way out of this mess. Yea, Right! And then at a later time, I would start to panic and think I was about to lose it. I came really close to checking myself in the hospital. What prevented me in doing this was that I had a mother with dementia to take care of.

This ended up being one of the worst experiences I ever had. I cannot remember when an episode was this intense before. This lasted several days, some days much worse than others. I thought I was losing my mind. I did not know what was actually happening to me. What do you think happened to me? What is confusing to me was that allot of anxiety was involved. I did seem to have one panic attack during this episode. Anxiety? Mixed episode? What?

Since my start of Lamictal, which is 300mg now, I have not felt this grounded and "normal" in a long time. But I still have the damage to clean up this problem of mine has caused. More recently have been having episodes of depression where I had to lay down due to a lack of energy. But this is another problem I will think about on another day.