I was brought up strict Catholic until 8, then moved to a Lutheran church until I went to an Anglican boarding school. As I grew older and had more depressive episodes I started to waver in my belief of god. Now I do not believe in God in the biblical sense, but I believe in the universe and that there is a higher power at work.

I still worry that if I suicide, I will go to hell, but when I am depressed I cant imagine hell being all that much worse.

Faith in god has helped many of my mentally ill friends. But their faith never wavered like mine did. They manage to believe and pray to him in even their lowest points. I tend to ask for help but I dont know exactly who I am talking to. I do believe there is some kind of power, whether it be in positivity or what, Im not sure. But at times I have had my "prayers" answered. It never comes soon enough with the depression though!

I do wonder how much my catholic upbringing has affected me as an adult, I carry a lot of guilt. I think it is something we will get to in therapy eventually.