Hello all,

I have Bipolar 1 and was diagnosed last year in July following a major manic episode that ended in hospitalization. I'm still getting used to dealing with this diagnosis and talking about it. I'm in my early thirties now I realize I've had other manic episodes in my late teens and throughout my twenties that I chalked up to insomnia, stress and substance abuse. Overall it is good to know what I'm dealing with, but this has been extremely challenging.

I watched my mothers life fall to pieces due to untreated mental health issues, I tried everything to help her. In some ways this is the reason I am so open to taking meds and seeking help. My resources are pretty limited at this point due to financial stress, I'm am waiting for the day I can afford therapy and more doctor visits to find the right medications. I am currently looking for work and it is very stressful.

Many people close to me, my friends and family don't understand how difficult it is for me to operate. I have sunken into a deep depression and am working to reform my perception of myself and my personality. My last manic episode shook me to my core, effected all my relationships, friends, family, professional etc. I still worry when I become excited about something if I'm becoming manic again, I continue to suppress my feelings and my personality, but more often than not I could care less about anything and suffer from deep depression and apathy and I'm concerned my medication may be contributing to this.

Nevertheless I'm working towards health. I have been going to support groups the last couple weeks and I've signed up here. I hope to meet others going though similar things, learn, share and continue to heal. I try to remind myself how much there is to be grateful for in life despite the hardship.