I know what you mean when you say taking the medicine is an official statement of your ability to conquer your depression but I also know that in most things in life we can never do it alone. We need help. I like to think of my depression/anxiety like any other illness, like a broken leg. If I had a broken leg I would use a cast and medicine to allow it to heal. It's the same thing with depression, I am taking medicine to help me heal. I might have to be on medicine for the rest of my life but as long as I have a meaningful life and enjoy the moments I have then it's worth it!

Good luck to you... you sound very strong! You definitely can do this!