I have a T I've been seeing for 3yrs this April. I just find it hard to say anything of importance. Then when she tries to get a pt across if she doesn't say it fast enough I'm gone. I totally zone and have no idea what she said. I try so hard not to zone but I can't stop it. I see her today. She suggests meds and has been for 3yrs.

I've given her, a few weeks ago, four pages front and back everything I can remember from being a kid. It started as a list then became something else. We haven't spoken of it yet, I'll probably open that today because I know she wants to talk about it.

Don't get me wrong my partner is amazing. Only thing is she's been where I am but that was10yrs ago for her. She has a support outside of me. She has an amazing mom and bro. Problem for me is all I have is her. Her mom treats me as her own but it's just not the same. My own mom couldn't give a damn about me. I wasted my life trying to help and protect her and all she did was use me.

My partner also has this thing that if I say hurt my knee she says it's nothing just sore. She went to school for sports medicine so I listen. We both have extremely high pain tolerances, we both come from abusive fathers. We don't really fight, we are very aware and don't want to be our fathers. She gets upset and plays guitar, I get upset and I go away and paint.

My mom and family issues are another story but I'll give the short. Abusive alcoholic pedophile father, submissive passive mother, only child syndrome older sis, dead twin. Father is nothing to me. Sis can go to hell. Mom still talks about dead twin all the time like she's all that matters.