I know Zinco, I agree. My closest circle of people have been very good at making me feel like I don't have a reason to seek help but more like I'm just a bad person for failing everything or something like that. I realized later that says more about them than me, I'd never dream of putting someone down for seeking help. I'll go through with the treatment as long as it takes, don't worry. I'm still thinking whether I should tell my family and partner I'm back on the pills, the last thing I want now is someone blaming for feeling like I do. I don't think people get I can't just flip a switch and feel jolly, ugh. But then I don't want to keep secrets and therapy is the most important part of my life now for me so keeping silent about it feels like I'm lying. I guess if they can't understand it they'll just have to deal with it themselves, I need to do this for myself and whoever disrespects my needs can leave. It's intimidating how much I've got on my plate now but the sooner I start cleaning it up the better.