I feel that my T might be mad at me or something and is not telling me, really.

The thing is, since a few weeks, I´ve been suffering from extreme anxiety when it comes to any form of appointment. I canceled one a while ago and said I´d call back.

Then I called and asked just to speak with her about it.
At first she was very nice and understanding and I saw her that day because she had an opening.

We basically agreed that I could call when I had time from then on, and if she had an opening, I´d jump into that. That meant for me, that I couldn´t see her that regular for now anymore, but I was very okay with that and she said it was okay for her too, she just needed to know that I would call and we would keep a connection, so I wouldn´t get "lost".

So for the last 5 weeks, and 4 times that I called, she hadn´t called me back once. I´m not mad about that, I understand that when there is no opening she doesn´t feel like she has to call back. However, I think 5 weeks is a long time and I don´t know, I think it´s weird.

Once, when I called and we talked about it, I said I would like to keep it this way for now and she said, in a not so friendly way, that I couldn´t expect her to call me always rightaway when she was with a client. I felt a little offended at that, because I had never once said that she needed to call me back or neither right away. Maybe she felt that she had to, and that´s why she felt defensive.

Anyway, when she called me back today and said she had an opening tonight, she sounded not so warm like she did when I saw her regularly, and we only talked shortly, which I think is weird considering we havn´t had contact in over a month.

Because of all of this, I feel that she might be mad at me for this whole arrangement. Which I find weird. I mean, if she´s not alright with it, she should just say it. We could either try regular appointments or I could take a break from therapy, but being mad and not telling me, doesn´t feel right and I don´t feel good disclosing personal stuff with her when she´s mad.

Should I ask her?